


It's the Little Things

by pensandarrows (dhapps)



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Feelings, Post-Break Up, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8654635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhapps/pseuds/pensandarrows
Summary: 5 times Billy Malone and Susan Williams see there’s much more to Oliver and Felicity and the 1 time Oliver and Felicity realize it.(or, what if the Love Interests aren’t evil and are just normal people caught in the riptide that is Olicity)





	1. It's in the Way You Hide (Like Nobody Notices)

1\. It's in the Way You Hide (Like Nobody Notices)

“I’m surprised to see you here, especially this early.” 

Felicity’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes, but then again it hasn’t in a very long time. 

“Can’t a girl stop by to take her boyfriend to dinner?” 

She regrets using the word the second it’s out of her mouth. In fact the longer this goes on, the less comfortable she is with the label. The team has commented more than once on her reluctance to use the B word. She spends a lot of her time ignoring things. God she's just so tired of it all. She feels like a dissatisfied actor in a play just going through the motions. Or a broken marionette without its strings.

Billy lights up. “I’d love that. Let me just finish up this report and grab my jacket. You want Chinese?”

Felicity nods absently, pushing back the sudden thoughts of late night takeout with Dig and Oliver, arguing over the superiority of chopsticks vs forks and plotting the best way to take down the next bad guy. Billy doesn’t comment or even seem to notice the shadow that passes over her face before she buckles down and reminds herself those times are gone.

She flinches as her phone trills loudly in her pocket, pulling it out to see Oliver’s face staring back at her. It’s a new picture, from one of the press conferences he’s given since becoming the mayor. Long gone is the picture of him with his arms wrapped around her; she still creeps into the hidden folder on her phone to gaze longingly at it during really dark moments when she wishes things were different. The phone rings again and startles her out of the wave of memories she’s struggling to tamp down.

She jams the red button to reject the call as Billy seemingly appears out of nowhere at her elbow.

“You still talk to him?” his voice makes her jump. He doesn’t sound mad, just confused.

“It was an amicable breakup! And he asked me for help on something – not something, but just…he asked if I could help the IT department at City Hall because they’re having problems with some firewall…stuff. But he can wait. It wasn’t urgent. It’s not important or anything…..” she blurts, her voice trailing off at the end. She hopes she sounds somewhat convincing.

She hates the way her voice trembles slightly when she lies, her hands waving as she mentally casts for something, anything, to change the topic to. She thought she was doing well with practicing what she preached regarding honesty when she admitted to him she worked with the Green Arrow. She doesn’t want to think about the hypocrisy of being unable to explain why she still talked to Oliver All. The. Time.

“Are you ready to go?” She’s not going to be able to maintain her façade of normality if she has to stand here talking to Billy about Oliver. She’s not ready to examine just why that is either.

Billy looks at her strangely for a moment, his eyebrows wrinkling, but then he’s smiling at her once again and gesturing towards the door, “After you.”

He holds the door open, making a joke about the rainy weather, and they’re back to the light-hearted banter that she’s comfortable with. When she laughs and cracks a joke right back she doesn’t see the look on his face as he studies her on her way out the door.

~ ~ ~

Oliver’s head snaps up at the sharp knock on his office door at City Hall.

“Come in.”

He smiles as Susan Williams’ head pokes around the door, “Sorry to interrupt Mr. Mayor. Do you have a minute? I brought lunch.”

She holds up a bag of Big Belly Burger and Oliver tries very hard to not let the spike of emotions he feels show on his face. He hasn’t had Big Belly since the breakup, especially not after John left. That was their thing as a team, and he just can’t bring himself to enjoy it, since his favourite part of it was the people he shared it with.

“Sorry, I just finished eating. Thanks for thinking of me, though.” Oliver tries for nonchalant but he’s pretty sure it sounds like a hollow excuse.

They’ve had drinks a few times, and Susan has made it very clear that if he wants to…escalate their relationship she would be 100% on board, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. She’s nice enough, but he hasn’t forgotten the incident with Thea, and most importantly, she’s not Felicity. He wonders if that’s his future, spending the rest of his life knowing that she’d be going home to someone else while he’s left trying to fill the gaping hole in his heart with ‘nice enough’.

“What can I do for you today, Susan?” he asks, keeping a pleasant smile (the one Thea calls his Mayor Smile) on his face.

She smiles flirtatiously at him, “Well isn’t that the question? I’m actually here for business, but I thought we could work in some ple-“

The sharp ring of his phone cuts her off, and they both glance down at his desk to see his cell light up with Felicity’s picture. He immediately sends the call to voicemail, squashing down the emotion that still spikes in his throat every time she calls. He turns back to Susan to see a calculating look on her face.

“You still talk to your ex-fiancée?” He can’t tell if she’s asking as his supposed friend or as a reporter, and that gives him pause.

“It wasn’t a bitter breakup. We’re still friends.” Short and sweet and mostly the truth. He figures even if she quotes him on that it won’t piss off Felicity too much. 

She hums noncommittally and studies him silently. He resists the urge to fidget under her scrutiny knowing that will give him away.

“I’ve never actually met her. What’s she like?” Susan smooths her hands over her skirt, absently picking at non-existent lint and trying to seem non-threatening. It’s a tactic he recognizes and he knows he has to be careful. The last thing he needs is a headline about him being hung up on his ex- who has moved on.

“Smart. Really smart. Kind. Funny.”

He thinks if he keeps it short and on the things that are most obvious it will be okay, but he can’t help adding, “the best person I’ve ever known.”

Susan’s eyebrows shoot up, but thankfully she doesn’t say anything. He hopes that will be the end of this line of questioning and he won’t be reading a lurid exposé on himself in the morning.

“Now, you said you were here on business?” Oliver redirects the conversation, hoping that he can salvage some of his chill before she reports that all he does is sit in his office and pine for Felicity Smoak.

She smiles graciously and lets him turn the flow of chatter back to what she was there for; a quote for her story on medical clinics in the Glades.


	2. It’s in the Way You Answer the Phone (Like They Hold all the Answers)

2\. It’s in the Way You Answer the Phone (Like They Hold all the Answers)

Felicity sits on the couch in the loft absently flicking through the channels when Billy joins her from the kitchen. He pulls her foot into his lap and starts pressing his fingers into the arch, sore from constantly wearing high heels. She doesn’t love the way he rubs her feet- he uses too much pressure and she’s usually more sore afterward than if she had gone without- but she doesn’t have the heart to tell him. He tries, and the little voice in the back of her head that whispers about how Oliver’s foot rubs had always been perfect is why she can’t bring herself to say anything.

That stupid traitorous voice has been getting louder and harder to ignore lately. The nasty little voice kept reminding her that no, this time she was the liar, the one who couldn’t let their partner all the way in. Her secrets were weighing heavier and heavier on her these days, and she wasn’t quite sure what she was going to do when she wasn’t strong enough to hold the weight anymore.

“…..did you want to do tonight?”

Blinking rapidly to redirect the spiral of her thoughts, she opens her mouth to speak, but the ringing of her phone cuts her off.

Oliver. Again. Except last night they had agreed that since Prometheus was quiet there wasn’t much to do and she could take the night off. Which means if he was calling her now it was important.

She shoots out of her seat and answers before she can even think about it, her heart in her throat, “Hello?”

“I’m sorry Felicity, I know we agreed you could have the night off…” Oliver’s voice was hesitant, like he wasn’t sure he had made the right decision to call her.

“What’s going on?” she tries to keep her voice level, turning away from Billy’s confused expression. She knows he’d seen who was calling, since her phone was sitting on the coffee table when it rang.

“It’s Prometheus. We’re not sure….but we think he might have kidnapped two people tonight.”

“You’re not sure. What do you mean you’re not sure?” She has to try to keep the urgency out of her voice so Billy isn’t even more curious. She really doesn’t think it’s a good idea for him to get curious right now.

“Evelyn said several people told her they witnessed him grabbing two people off the street. But I can’t seem to find any traffic cam footage….”

Felicity’s mind is racing as she jumps up and starts gathering things. Her tablet, her jacket, her keys. She throws an apologetic, “I’m so sorry, there’s a problem, I have to go!” in Billy’s direction.

Billy stands up, watching her race around, the crease between his eyebrows even deeper, “A problem? Where?”

Felicity skids to a halt and realizes she has to tell him something. He saw it was Oliver calling. She can’t very well tell him it’s Green Arrow related.

“City Hall server business. I’m sorry!” She waves over her shoulder, and it isn’t until she’s halfway to the lair that she realizes she forgot to kiss him goodbye, which explains the look of disappointment in his eyes.

~ ~ ~

“Mr. Mayor, I do believe you work too hard.”

Oliver tries not to grimace at the sound of Susan’s voice at the door of his office, again. She’s been dropping by more and more the last few days and part of him hopes it’s because she’s looking for a story. His Mr. Mayor smile makes another appearance.

“Susan. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He reminds himself she could be an ally, and in fact she hasn’t yet printed anything he’s said during their private conversations. She’s respected his on-the-record/off-the-record lines, and he’s grateful.

She raises her hands and waves two coffees back and forth.

“I was finishing a story, and saw your bodyguard was still here, so I figured…you could use the caffeine if you’re going to work this hard. I know I was hard on you initially, but I have to give you credit. You’re trying.”

He smiles gratefully at that, glad at least that someone can see that he’s genuinely trying. “I am.”

Setting his coffee down on his desk, she settles into the chair opposite him and takes a long sip of her own drink.

“Have you eaten?” Her eyes never leave his face, and he’s reminded of the thousands of times Felicity has asked him that. It seems so far away, yet feels like yesterday and his heart clenches in his chest.

He thinks for a brief moment that he’s going to turn her down, but then decides, no. He has to at least try. Shaking his head, he asks if she wants to grab a bite from the food truck that’s parked near the end of the block trying to tempt the crowd from the bars in the area. They had just settled into a park bench to dig into their sliders when Oliver’s phone rings.

Oliver tries to be discrete when he checks the caller ID and sees that it’s Felicity. He stares at it until it rings again, and then he sends it to voicemail. He’d told Dig he had to finish the paperwork at City Hall tonight and that he couldn’t be disturbed unless it really was World War 3. Before he could slip his phone back in his pocket Felicity was calling again. This time he could tell by the look on Susan’s face that she had seen.

Glancing over at Susan he shrugs apologetically. “I’m sorry, I really need to take this. If I ignore her a second time she’ll probably hack my phone and make my ringtone goats screaming or something.”

He steps away and answers, “Felicity?"

“You need to get back to base ASAP. John and the team have found something.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” He cuts the call and turns back to Susan, who is watching him like a hawk.

“Susan. I’m sorry. I have to go.”

She nods, a shadow of something in her eyes that passes quickly, “I understand. Thanks for the sliders.”

She raises her box of food, her smile muted but genuine. He can tell she’s disappointed, but she doesn’t seem angry at least. The last thing he needs is her to decide he’s worth taking cheap shots at again.

Nodding, he turns on his heel and heads for his bike in the parking garage. His mind won’t stop turning over the relief he feels that whatever that was just got cut short.


	3. It’s in the Way You Look (That Longing Can’t be Hidden)

“Felicity. You look…stunning. Wow.” 

Felicity can’t meet Billy’s eyes as she accepts the compliment, smoothing her hands over the matte material of her navy blue dress. She isn’t a huge fan of the colour, but she’d tried on several dresses that she just couldn’t bring herself to wear. They were too…bright for her current state of mind, so she’d gone with the navy. A small voice in her head reminds her she wouldn’t look out of place at a funeral. 

They’re attending a formal fundraiser at City Hall, and Billy had been invited due to his position on the ACU. He was visibly hopeful when he’d asked her to be his date for the event, and she pushed away her misgivings to say she’d be delighted to go. 

But now, an hour later, surveying the well-dressed crowd trying to do some good for their beleaguered city, everything just feels….wrong. She’s on the arm of the wrong person, wearing the wrong colour, pretending that everything’s fine. Looking up at Billy she wonders if he would catch on that her overly bright smiles were just a mask. The longer this goes on the more she wonders if she wants him to. 

Turning her head, she catches sight of Oliver talking to a group of city councilmen and business people over by the bar. She has successfully managed to avoid him thus far, to her relief. She’s just not sure she could handle her separate lives colliding tonight. Her eyes glide over him, lingering on the sharp cut of his suit. The navy tie and pocket square pop out, making her stomach clench. 

Her already tight stomach drops when she sees Susan Williams materialize at his side, slipping her hand into the crook of his arm. Oliver smiles, leaning down to listen to her speak, and Felicity feels her heart plummet into her shoes. 

Thea made a crack about their relationship and Felicity had run with it in the lair until he’d snapped she wasn’t his girlfriend, but this… This looked an awful lot like they were seeing each other. To Felicity’s horror she was discovering that this hurt worse than everything they’d gone through thus far. Worse yet, she’d pushed him into it so there was no one to blame but herself. 

Billy’s throat clears beside her and she freezes, realizing he’s caught her staring at Oliver and she suddenly doesn’t want to know what her face might be revealing. She turns to find the group of people they’re standing with staring at her.

“Sorry! Sorry! I just had a thought spiral that gave me an idea for solving a code problem I’ve been having and…..I’m sorry. I should have been paying attention.” She feels guilty, and then feels guilty for feeling guilty over nothing. She’s being eaten alive by guilt and wonders now if this is how Oliver has felt all this time. 

To her relief Billy lets her have the out, “That’s my girl, always thinking twelve steps ahead of everyone else!” 

The group they’re standing with laughs and the conversation moves on, but Felicity feels the tension radiating off of Billy. She wonders if he’ll actually confront her later, and a panic rises in her chest at the thought. This is all suddenly too serious for what she had wanted it to be, and she feels herself on the precipice of an anxiety attack. 

Felicity plans her exit quickly telling Billy that she really did just have a major breakthrough on some seriously tricky code and she needs to go. She can see the hurt in his eyes, and it’s too much. She turns abruptly on her heel and flees, not caring that he’s still questioning her and calling her name softly.

She thanks Google that she makes it into the cab and into traffic before her tears begin to fall. She thought when she and Rory had talked about Havenrock that she would finally make progress on moving forward without feeling guilty all the time. The guilt that’s still sitting heavy in her stomach, that flares to life when she thinks of Billy and of Oliver; especially when she thinks of Oliver moving on. 

Suddenly Curtis’ voice rings out in her head, comparing her mother’s flight from her father to her knee jerk reaction to Oliver, and the hollow feeling in her chest increases. Felicity wonders how she’s going to move forward when all she can think about is how the situation she’s in is all her fault and she’s pretty sure it’s too late to do anything about it. 

~ ~ ~

Oliver fidgets while he waits at a table for two in a nicer French restaurant. It’s not Table Salt, it’s not even as nice as that Italian place, and Oliver pushes the feelings that thought brings away. Felicity has made her feelings perfectly clear, and he loves her enough to respect her wishes. He realizes now that he wasn’t lying when he told her she was his always, but if she wants him to try to move forward, then he would give it an honest effort because it’s her asking. And because it's what he needs. No matter how wrong it feels. 

He sees Susan arrive at the entrance and distantly wonders about the lack of butterflies he feels. He should be nervous; this is his first date in a very long time, but there’s nothing except the feeling of caution he can’t quite rid himself of. They have been on friendly terms for months and since she hasn’t written anything scathing, the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop is starting to wane. Still… he holds her in nothing more than a friendly regard.

She’s become a sounding board for him, but he’s still not letting her in, not really. Felicity’s voice echoes in the back of his head, telling him he’ll never be able to let anyone in, but he shakes it off as Susan slides into the seat across from him. He plasters on his Mayor Smile, knowing if this was going to actually go anywhere that smile would be more real by now. Maybe that’s a sign. 

“Susan. Hi. You look lovely.” 

Susan’s face brightens and she leans forward to grasp his hand and he resists the urge to pull away. “You look pretty fantastic too, Oliver.” 

She dropped the flirtatious “Mr. Mayor” talk a while back, and even though he had been the one insisting she call him by his first name, the tone of her voice when she says it makes him uneasy. It feels too much like she wants something from him, and that’s a feeling he’s known since he understood what it means to be a Queen. Maybe that’s another sign.

Their waiter arrives with wine to take their orders and dinner proceeds much like many of their other outings. She gives him advice through heavy flirting, and he tries to take the advice without feeding back into her flirting. He’s walking a fine line here, and he knows the time to actually make a decision is fast approaching.

They’re midway through their entrees when movement near the entrance of the restaurant catches his eye and his breath catches in his throat. Felicity has just arrived with Billy and while she’s not dressed in her usual bright colours, she’s still stunning in the nude high necked dress she’s wearing. His brain is screaming at him that it’s not smart to gape at her while sitting across from another woman on a date, but his heart won’t let him look away. 

The maître d’ escorts them towards Oliver and his gaze snaps to his plate before anyone can catch him staring. Susan’s throat clearing tells him he was unsuccessful. He schools his features into a curious look and asks her how her story on the rebuilding of residential areas in the Glades is coming along. 

She watches him guardedly for a moment before accepting the conversation change and delves into some of what she suspects about contractors cutting corners. He nods along and offers some advice for whom to lean on for quotes. Mask firmly back in place, he ignores all signs of the woman he loves having dinner with someone else just a few feet away. He’s Oliver Queen, after all, and he’s nothing if not excellent at compartmentalizing.


	4. It’s in the Way You Move (Like a Plant Searching for the Sun)

Billy stands at the giant expanse of windows in the loft, looking out over the city. He’s been standing there since before Felicity had gotten in the shower, and she finds him there now that she’s ready. They’re heading to the Holiday Festival Star City’s City Council decided to throw to foster community and charity during the holidays.

She moves to stand beside him, slipping her hand into the crook of his arm. Things have been status quo since she’d apologized for rushing out the day after the gala. She told him she got into her own head like that sometimes, and that it was one of her quirks. He seemed charmed and let the subject drop. 

“Why don’t we go stand on the balcony and enjoy the nice weather before we have to leave?” Billy turns to her, a small smile on his face as he leans in to kiss her.

Felicity freezes. That was the one area in the loft she and Billy did not go to. The balcony had been her and Oliver’s spot and she had gone out of her way to avoid it. Just like she was going to do right now. “Actually, I just realized I need to hit the ladies room one last time before we go. Be right back!”

She dashes back upstairs and zips into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She wasn’t exactly lying. She really did have to go, but once her hands are washed she just stood there examining herself in the mirror. She’s paler than she remembers being, and the dark shadows under her eyes are hard to hide even with copious amounts of concealer. She feels guilty that she keeps running when things get hard, but when she agreed to Billy’s first request for a coffee date, she had not signed up for serious. And Billy is very clearly ready for serious.

She exits the bathroom and re-joins him where he’s standing at the door.

“Our car is here.” 

She can’t help but note that he seems more sombre than before she disappeared to the bathroom.

Once they’re in the car on their way, she turns to make a light-hearted joke about the holidays when she finds him studying her with a serious look on his face.

“Felicity…” he starts, like he’s unsure of whether he should continue, “…..why haven’t you introduced me to your friends? It’s been months. And I feel like there’s still so much I don’t know about you. Why is that?”

She opens her mouth several times to speak, but when nothing comes out, he continues.  
“Are you ashamed of me? I mean, I know I’m just a detective in one of the most corrupt departments in the country, but…”

Her heart constricts in her chest at that. He thinks she thinks she’s too good for him. If he only knew.

Shaking her head frantically, her hands flailing in front of her, she stalls, “No, no, Billy…that’s just…not even remotely true.” 

If she was out of the car, she would be pacing. She doesn’t want to talk about this. Particularly not while they’re on their way to an event.

She sees the moment he decides to let it drop, and huffs a large sigh of relief, “Thank you.”

He nods, but remains quieter than normal for the duration of the ride, leaving Felicity to fill the silence with silly chatter about coding problems she’s been having lately on her freelance work. It’s meaningless and she’s started to wonder if it’s not all meaningless.

Even her work in the lair lately has felt emptier, mostly because she’s been avoiding Oliver like the plague. She doesn’t want to admit that it’s because she’s terrified he’ll tell her he’s happy with Susan. So she gets there after everyone else does, and leaves before anybody else can. It strikes her that could be considered a recurring theme in her life.

They arrive at the holiday market, where there are holiday crafts and baking for sale, and local charity groups have booths set up for donations and volunteer signups. Billy takes her hand and they walk slowly through, occasionally stopping to peruse the booths.

She and Billy are just leaving a Christmas cookie booth when she nearly collides, quite literally, with someone tall, and she almost falls over when she realizes it’s Oliver. And he’s with Susan.

“Oliver! Oh my Google! I didn’t see you there!” Her voice is high and fluttery as he catches her elbow keeping her upright as her shaking hands glide across his chest while she steadies herself.

“Felicity. Billy. It’s nice to see you both. Thank you for coming out.” He has what she’s been calling his Mayor face on; the bland one that betrays none of what he’s really feeling. His blue eyes mechanically look her over before turning to Billy and extending his hand.

Billy nods and shakes his hand, his other arm moving around Felicity’s shoulders and pulling her closer. She resists the urge to pull away, knowing that will only make things worse, even if she’s currently so uncomfortable she wants to crawl out of her skin. She is starting to realize she never wanted Oliver to meet Billy while they were together, and that has her asking herself questions she shouldn’t be thinking about right now.

Oliver turns. “Susan, this is Felicity Smoak and Detective Billy Malone. Felicity, Billy, this is Susan.”

The introductions are as awkward as Felicity thought they would be, and she plasters on a fake smile as she shakes Susan’s hand, dropping it as quickly as she can without arousing suspicion. She keeps her eyes on her shoes while Billy and Oliver chat amicably for a few moments.

“Well, we should go make the rounds, maybe we’ll run into each other later. It was nice to see you both.” Oliver is gracious, nodding at both of them and giving Felicity a warm smile that causes her stomach to erupt in butterflies before he and Susan are gone.

“Huh. I didn’t know he was dating that reporter,” Billy comments offhandedly, his eyes on Felicity’s face as she watches them leave.

She tries to keep her facial expression neutral as she shrugs, “I don’t keep track of Oliver’s personal life.”

The look Billy gives her tells her she wasn’t fooling anyone but herself. He _is_ a detective, she thinks. Thankfully, he's still respecting her request to leave the heavy talk for later, and they continue down the street.

~ ~ ~

Oliver is still reeling from running into Felicity and Billy while Susan had her hand wrapped around his arm. The look on Felicity’s face has his mind running a million miles a minute. He knew her better than he knew anybody, and she was clearly not happy to have run into him. He’s just not sure if it was Billy or Susan’s presence that upset her the most.

The spark of hope that he thought he had shoved into a box and forgotten flared to life, making his pulse speed up and his palms clammy. Now was not the time for examination of any of that though, so he takes several controlled breaths and shoves it all back down. He refocuses his attention on Susan, who has been watching him shrewdly since that encounter.

“I see Councilwoman Peters over there, I should go and put in some face time. I’m trying to get her to work with me on an initiative for children in the Glades, but she’s been hesitant,” He tries to deflect.

She nods with a widening smile. “That sounds like an excellent idea.”

Unsure of why she’s smiling like that, he steers them across the street and strikes up a conversation with the councilwoman. He notices Susan is an expert at making herself seem non-threatening while listening for information and thinks maybe she is just one of those people whose natural personality makes them good at their job.

Susan asks the councilwoman a few questions for a fluff piece on the Holiday Festival, and Oliver excuses himself to get some hot apple ciders for them. He’s just joined the line for the Cider booth when he realizes Felicity is in front of him.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he quips, a small smile on his face.

She jerks slightly and whips around, clutching her purse to her heart. “I swear to Google, one day I’m getting you a bell!”

He huffs a laugh at that, shaking his head, “Or you need to be more observant of your surroundings.”

It’s an argument they have been having since long before they were ever a _them_. She’s been scolding him about sneaking up on her since she first joined the team. It was one of the many things about her that let him know she wasn’t going to put up with his crap. Felicity beams up at him and he feels the warmth all the way down to his toes.

This, this is what is missing from his relationship with Susan.

And when he thinks about it, he guesses that is what it ultimately boils down to. He would be okay without Felicity, but life with her was just so much more than with anyone else. He is at peace in her presence in a way that he suspects he will never have again with another person. And that’s okay, because she’s one of a kind.

The woman working the Cider Window asks them for their order, and they each order two hot drinks to take back to their respective…somebodies. Because he knows now that whatever it is that he and Susan are doing? Will be over by the end of the festival. He knows what he wants, and Susan isn’t it.

As the woman at the window hands him two ciders, he turns and drinks in Felicity’s appearance. Her wool coat pulled tightly around her waist, her cheeks flushed with the cold, her eyes sparkling at the prospect of the best cider in Star City. She is remarkable in every way, and he knows that no matter what happens he will do whatever he can to prove to her he’s trying to be a better man as Oliver Queen, not just the Green Arrow. It’s the only way he knows to honour the love he has for her while keeping their relationship intact in any way she’ll have him. 

He smiles softly at her, “Well, I’d better get back. Have a good night Felicity.”

Her cheeks flush even further as she nods and says quietly, “You too Oliver. Goodnight.”

Oliver glances up to see Billy watching them with a disquieted look on his face. He’s not sure what to make of it, so he shrugs and turns around only to find Susan watching him with a similar look. He isn’t sure what she made of his interaction with Felicity but he’s sure he’ll be hearing about it soon.


	5. It’s in the Way You Smile (Like You See the Future)

Felicity paces the length of windows in her bedroom. She hears Billy as he moves around the bathroom, and her palms start to sweat as she thinks about how she’s going to explain herself. Because it’s becoming clear that Billy is going to press for more answers tonight than he ever has and if she was ready to bolt before she’s at a whole new level of spooked now.

Her thoughts skip back to seeing Oliver and Susan at the Festival and her stomach flips faster. She’d watched them interacting from afar and while Susan was very touchy, she noticed Oliver was much more reserved. His smile for Susan was different than the smile he used for her (the one Roy used to call his Lovesick Felicity Face). And had she caught him staring at her more than once? Maybe?

“I think it’s time we had that talk now,” Billy’s voice startles her out of her thoughts and she jumps slightly.

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” Felicity knows now she’s got to make a decision, and deep in her gut she’s sure of what it’s got to be. Though that doesn’t make it any easier to say. After she’s silent for longer than a second, he throws his hands up.

“So what is it Felicity? Why are you keeping me at arm’s length? I really like you, and I feel like we could have something amazing, but you’re only partially here. You’ve got one foot out the door.”

She laughs humorlessly at that, “You’re right.”

He looks shocked to hear her admit it, like he expected her to argue or offer excuses.

“The last year...has been the roughest year of my life, and that’s saying something because I’ve had more than a few doozies in my lifetime. When you asked me out for coffee that day….it made me feel like I could be normal, like I could just pretend the last year never happened. But it did happen. And I can’t just go back to _normal_. I’m sorry.”

“Why won’t you let me help you then? I want to, Felicity! You are an amazing woman, a woman I could really love!”

She physically flinches at that, and all of a sudden she’s standing in a hospital room telling Ray she should get him some jello. She knew back then that Ray wasn’t the one she loved, and with a physical ache it dawns on her why this moment seems like déjà vu; she feels now exactly as she had then. Her feelings for Billy are just lukewarm. 

Billy and Ray were both people she could have been happy with. In another life. In this life? There was only one person that had her heart and soul, one person that pushed her to be the best version of herself always. And she was realizing that he had changed so much lately that maybe she was wrong. Maybe he could learn to include her, he’s already proven that to be true in the last few weeks. Maybe she locked the door on them a little too quickly.

The look on Billy’s face at her reaction is almost too much for her to bear. She feels rotten for letting this go on so long. How had she buried her head so deep in the sand all this time?

“I’m sorry Billy, I really am. I just….can’t,” her voice is quiet, the realization she’s just had having shaken her to the foundation of who she is.

“So you’re breaking up with me. Why? Is it Queen? It’s him, isn’t it? I see the way you look at him.” She can hear the accusation in his voice, and she doesn’t blame him for jumping to conclusions. She and Oliver have always been hard to understand and Billy’s not far off, even if it’s not in the way he thinks.

She smiles at him sadly, “I will always love Oliver. That is something anybody I have a relationship with is going to have to understand. But no, he is not why I can’t be with you. I am why I can’t be with you. I have a lot to figure out, and it’s time I stopped hiding from the tough things I need to confront. I need to be alone while I work out why exactly I run from things that scare me and what exactly it is I want for myself.”

He jerks a nod in her direction. “I guess you’ve made up your mind. Thanks for not waiting until I was ready to propose, I guess.”

She winces at that, but she stays silent. She thinks bearing the brunt of his anger is her penance for letting this go on too long. The secrets she’s kept this whole time has given her a glimpse into what Oliver must feel, with five years of secrets, plus the many more he’s acquired by necessity since he’d come home.

It was the most complicated juggling routine she’s ever attempted, trying to remember what lie she’s told to whom. Because she’s lied to a lot of people. Billy when he’s asked, oh, _anything_ about her life other than surface level things. Oliver when he’s asked if she’s okay. Dig when he’s shot her worried looks in the lair (another reason to avoid going in when Dig is the only one there). The recruits who question everything, Thea when she asks why she’s not available for girls nights. Even Caitlin, Cisco and Barry when they call from Central City. She’s been pretending she’s okay for too long when she hasn’t been, and it’s time she does something proactive about it.

After Billy leaves his key in the middle of the table and closes the door a little too roughly behind him, she picks up her phone and texts Oliver, asking if the team has any news on Prometheus yet.

Her phone chirps as he responds immediately, saying he would be at the lair in 45 minutes to update everyone.

**_Would you like a latte?_ **

For the first time in many, many months the smile on her face is genuine.

~ ~ ~

Oliver manages to avoid Susan for a few days, having spent shorter hours at the mayor’s office and longer hours in the hood as Prometheus’ behaviour escalates. He’s sure that’s going to come to a head soon and he’s just hoping he can mitigate the collateral damage when it does.

He sighs as he checks an email to find one from Thea with the subject line “Your girlfriend”. He grumbles under his breath about how Thea hadn’t let up on that yet as he clicks on the email. He opens it to find an article written by Susan about his idea for the Glades children’s program, with unreleased details and even quotes from Councilwoman Peters and himself. The article has a leading tone that insinuates City Council is trying to skirt local bylaws, and he feels a burn of anger in his gut.

He remembers several comments in the article were made during their informal conversation at the Holiday Festival and he curses. He’d thought he and Susan had come to an understanding about what professional lines they will not cross in whatever this was between them, but apparently he’s been too generous.

He grits his teeth and shoots her a text asking her to stop by his office when she gets a moment. Both Thea and Dig had expressed doubt about the reporter’s intentions and he’d brushed them off thinking that she wasn’t that underhanded. He finds it lucky that he hadn’t slipped and told her something that could have been really damaging, but then he’d known going into it that he was going to be cautious.

As he waits his thoughts drift to the last few days in the lair and the difference in Felicity. For months she’d been bubbly but closed off, even with Curtis. Not only had she avoided telling anyone about Billy, but she’d been subtly skirting everyone’s questions about how she really was doing.

Yet, after taking the night after the Festival off, she’d come in the following day and admitted to him that she’d broken up with Billy. That he was ready for serious, and she wasn’t sure what she wanted except that she wanted some time by herself to figure it out.

The hope that was bubbling in his chest was overwhelming, and not just because she was single again. She was talking to him again in a way that reminded him of before they were together. She had quietly admitted after the recruits left last night that she was having trouble sleeping, and that had led to an incredibly honest conversation about how to move forward when guilt threatened to consume you. She had cried a little and honestly, so had he.

It had been cathartic in a way he hadn’t realized he needed. Maybe, just maybe, they were figuring out a new way forward.

A knock on the door startles him out of his thoughts and he looks up to call out, “Come in.”

The door opens to reveal Susan there and his irritation with her rushes back. He knows he’ll need to handle this with finesse or he’s going to make her a bigger enemy than she was before.

“Hello Oliver,” she purrs at him, slinking across the room. “I’ve missed seeing your face the last few days.”

He pushes back uncharitable thoughts about how she’s missed him giving her unfettered access to City Hall and reminds himself to be kind.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a few days. I’m sorry I’ve been too busy.” He smiles gently and gestures for her to have a seat.

“Susan, I’m going to cut to the chase. I saw the article you wrote about the Children’s Initiative. That information you published wasn’t ready for the public yet. Councilwoman Peters and I were just compiling ideas.” He keeps his voice calm, and watches her as she realizes why he’s asked her here.

She squirms in her chair, then settles in and tries for flirtation. “I know that, but those were great ideas and I thought you could use the push to implement them.”

One of his eyebrows quirks, “We have official channels this information is supposed to go through. I’m being questioned about how you got that information and it’s making me look unprofessional. I thought we talked about this, that if we were going to socialize like this you would keep business separate.”

She has the sense to look contrite. “Look, I realize that, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal. It was positive information.”

“But that didn’t stop you from implying we’re trying to skirt bylaws, instead of admitting those ideas had just been introduced and hadn’t been fully vetted yet. You used me to get access to information for a story. That’s not okay with me.”

He sees the minute she realizes where this is going. 

“So that’s it then.” Her expression is resigned, like she’s expecting it. 

Nodding, he smiles at her sadly. “I’m sorry. I can’t be with someone that uses me for access like that. I need to trust that those closest to me won’t sell me out.”

She snorts in an unflattering way, “Like Felicity Smoak?”

Now he’s incensed, but he’s not going to let her see that. “Felicity Smoak is none of your business, Susan. But since you asked, yes. She has never used something I’ve told her for personal gain. She’s been a better friend to me than I deserve at times, and it’s not fair of you to drag her into this. You broke my trust and I’m sorry, but I can’t let whatever this is go on when I can’t trust you.”

She smiles sadly at him, and he thinks that this maybe could have worked in another life. In a life where she wasn’t a reporter digging for the best story and he wasn’t a mayor-by-day, vigilante-by-night. But whatever sparks there could have been between them aren’t enough to catch in the wet tinder of reality.

“I understand. I apologize, I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. It will have to be a life lesson for me,” Susan’s voice is soft and sad, and Oliver feels sorry that it came to this.

“I hope we can remain on friendly terms, Susan. I’ll just have to keep our conversations to things that have been okayed for public knowledge.” He offers the olive branch, half expecting her to shove it back in his face.

She nods. “I’d like that. Again I’m sorry, Oliver. I’ll see you around.”

And then she’s gone, slipped out the door quieter than she had entered.

Oliver sighs softly, then picks up his phone and texts Felicity.

**_You coming to the lair tonight?_ **

**_Already here. Where are you?_** was her prompt reply.

He couldn’t help the warm smile that spread across his face.

**_OMW. Big Belly?_ **

**_You know it!!!_ **


	6. +1. It’s in the Way You Say My Name (Like We’re Better Together)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have to say I am so, so thrilled by the response to this story. It was just something that was stuck in my head, and I'm so glad to see people have enjoyed it.
> 
> In honour of Arrow's 100th episode, enjoy a happier chapter!

The last few months they have settled into a new routine, one that Felicity finds herself getting quite used to. She and Curtis spend their days working on projects for the lair- trick arrows and training tools, and if there’s a side project for her yet to be named tech start-up that she’s been thinking about for the past few weeks, so what?

She spends her nights as Overwatch, keeping the team safe, and patching them up when they come back bruised and defeated. She spends her downtime talking to Oliver. _Really_ talking to Oliver, in a way she hadn’t before. She confesses all the ugly things that have festered in her brain since Havenrock, hell, since Ra’s al Ghul and Slade Wilson came into their lives. He tells her more about his time away, on Lian Yu, in Hong Kong, in _Russia_.

They remind each other they are not their darkest moments, and that the work they do every day is in service to atone for any marks in their ledgers. He makes her a deal that if, at any point, she feels like the darkness is overwhelming, she can call him and he’ll come over to watch her favourite sci-fi shows with her. She allows herself to be bribed under the excuse that she’s wanted to get him caught up on pop culture for years.

And it’s not just talk. He’s truly _been there_ , when she texted at 4 am after having three nightmares in a row; nightmares where she’s just not fast enough to stop Darhk. It’d been a Saturday, so he’d stayed and she’d gotten him into Deep Space 9.

She smiles to herself, sitting alone in the lair while the team is chattering on the lines during routine patrols. She is starting to see the sun shine again, even if it’s still mostly overcast. She can see the way forward now and it doesn’t scare her. It makes her feel content in a way she’d thought was impossible just a few short months ago.

“Overwatch? I think it’s safe to call it a night. It’s quiet out here tonight. Everybody, head in.” Oliver’s voice comes over her earpiece and she leans back and stretches. She can use an early evening, and maybe she can rope Oliver into coming over to cook. Last week he promised he’d make her a home cooked dinner for turning his comm off during a mission. She was going to make him pay for that.

“Come home, Oliver,” she says, her voice steady.

She hears his breath hitch very slightly as he realizes what she’s said, and she wagers he’s expecting her to babble it back. She stays silent. They may still have a lot to talk about, but she’s tired of pretending she’s not irrevocably in love with Oliver Queen. The kind of love that makes you strive to be a better person.

It was time to put her cards on the table.

The recruits stream in, chattering about nothing, none of them paying the slightest attention to Felicity, who sat at her computers, studiously watching the elevator cam. Dig was next, pausing slightly to consider her, then smiling to himself before heading for the showers.

And then there he is. Their eyes lock over her monitor and he studies her seriously for a moment before breaking into a breathtaking smile. She loves his smile so indescribably much, and she loves being the reason he’s smiling like that.

She watches him with a smile on her face as he heads to the showers. She waves at the recruits on their way out the door, and turns back to wait for Oliver.

She doesn’t have to wait long. Before she knows it he’s standing in front of her in jeans and a soft blue Henley, his brown leather jacket hanging unzipped on his torso. His hands are stuffed in his pockets, and she suspects it’s because he’s clenching them into fists.

“Hey.”

She hasn’t stopped smiling, he looks so unsure of himself. “Hey yourself. Since we’re off early, you owe me dinner, Master Chef.”

He grins at that. “Oh yeah, I do remember something about that. I’ll go get what I need and meet you at the loft?”

“Yeah. Just meet me at home.” She watches his reaction carefully. She’s now said it twice, deliberately.

“Felicity…” His voice is quiet, like he doesn’t want to believe what he’s hearing.

She reaches out and puts her hand on his arm where it’s crossed in front of him protectively. 

“Oliver. Go get the ingredients. We’ll talk when you get home.”

His blue eyes are wide as he locks his gaze on her and she nods reassuringly. He looks dazed, like he can’t quite believe his luck, but he turns quickly and heads out, apparently on a mission now.

She bites her lip and smiles, feeling like maybe – finally – she can see the way forward again.

~ ~ ~

Oliver shuffles nervously as he knocks on the door of the loft, his thoughts shifting a thousand miles an hour. Felicity had told him she wanted him to come home. Three times. He was afraid to hope for what that meant, but he was not going to lose his chance to find out.

The door creaks as it opens and there she is, grinning at him and making a crack that the chef has arrived. Leave it to her to lighten the mood even before one is set. He’s thrilled to see this side of her again. She had been overly cheerful all summer in an attempt to diffuse the tension of just the two of them in the lair, but this was a different kind of humour. This reminds him of their summer away, of the light-hearted banter that made his heart happy.

Sitting on a bar stool, she beams at him as he moves around the kitchen and he feels the hole in his heart getting smaller. If this is his life, for the rest of his life? He would die among the happiest of men. 

“So what did you want to talk about?” He figures diving in can’t hurt. It has been awhile since she had a nightmare, so he’s not sure where she’s going to go with this.

She twirls the glass of wine she’s sipping on and watches him dice vegetables over the rim. “I want to talk about why I left.”

He freezes, knife halfway through slicing a tomato. He did not hear that right. “Um…what?”

Felicity takes a deep breath and he can tell she’s gearing up for a ramble. “I just... I need you to know you’re not the only one who messed up. You’ve been showing me you’re learning to be inclusive and you’re changing and getting better. I just…can’t run away from the fact that every time I get hurt I bolt.”

“Felicity….you don’t need to apologize to me. I messed up. I messed up bad. You could have kicked me out of your life completely and I wouldn’t have blamed you.” He needs her to understand that. He knows he far from deserves another chance, but he would do anything to prove to her he’s learned from everything that’s happened.

She smiles at him, a little sadly. “Oh Oliver, I spent so long being so angry at you for everything, but then I realized….you’re only human. You were put in an impossible position and no matter what you did you were going to be letting someone down. And Google knows I’m not perfect either, so I’d hope that you’d be able to forgive me if I did something horrible to you. Like give you your ring back and tell you never again. When maybe….maybe I just meant not right now.”

His eyes snap to hers and he gapes at her slightly. “Felicity….I’ll always forgive you. That’s….what you do for the people you love.”

He’s avoided telling her that since she made it clear there was no hope for them. But now, now he needs her to know. His vows in front of Cupid may have been staged, but the intent behind them was very, very real. She is his always, and she pushes him to be a better person. More than that though, she makes him believe he deserves to be happy.

Her chin wobbles slightly and he’s around the kitchen island and in front of her in an instant. “Hey, I’m sorry if that was the wrong thing to say. I just…I needed you to know.”

That sends several silent tears down her cheeks and he reaches up, his thumbs brushing them away.

“I just thought…maybe you didn’t anymore. I haven’t been very lovable lately.” He can tell by the hitch in her voice she’s just barely holding it together.

“Felicity,” His voice is rough with emotion as he brings his forehead to rest against hers. “There is nothing, _nothing_ you could do to make me stop loving you. All of you, the good and the bad.”

She makes a noise at that, and then the tears are coming in earnest, so she leans into him while he wraps her in a hug. He rubs her back while she cries, whispering that he’s got her, and it’s going to be okay. _I love you._

He’s not sure how much time passes before her tears subside, but it doesn’t really matter. When she pulls back slightly and looks up at him like he’s everything she could ever want, he feels like he could outrace Barry.

When she leans forward and kisses him, his heart feels so light he could give Supergirl a run for her money.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to loveyoubeyondhope for the beta!!


End file.
